Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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