Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Randomize
