God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
