I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
