Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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