Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
