This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Randomize
