You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
