i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
So squirting runs in the family.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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