K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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