i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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