We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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