so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
It's shark week go big or go home
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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