so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
