I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Randomize
