i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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