Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
