Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
