Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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