How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Randomize
