bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Randomize
