Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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