did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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