You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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