I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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