I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
