i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
