she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
