i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Randomize
