Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
