he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
