Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
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