This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
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