you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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