I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
