I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Randomize
