You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
