help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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