she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
