he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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