Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Randomize
