she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I need to calm my uterus...
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
