they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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