And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
