I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
