fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
