Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Randomize
