was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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