he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
