i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
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