I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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