the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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