pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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