I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
