Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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